It seems very clear to me as I go into
the next phase of my life that I pay attention to the micro decisions I make
throughout the day, which can only be based upon an aware estimation of the
state of my body. My needs revolve around a vigilance to ensure that I am
relaxed and at rest most of the time; and to make decisions conducive to this
goal. To play backgammon when I need simply to lie down and shut my eyes, or
get into tasks because I think that is what I ought to do, is very
counterproductive, if not destructive. There must be at once a greater
awareness of and detachment from my emotions. For the last few days I have been
aware of my need for more socializing, and when I am feeling that way I forget how
little I enjoy common interactions when I have them. My life has followed this
path; I have made decisions that have isolated me more and more. To ignore this
cry of the soul would not be productive, either, so I called up Perry and the
kids and hearing Ajoojh say “I love you Masi” did it for me. I tried to make some
kirtan, was hopeless, and had to get up and let it be instead of feeling bad at
my inadequacy. I must flow and float above my life, as it were, engaged with
it, but detached. I see no other way.
I
sometimes get overwhelmed at the multitude of my projects, of how little energy
I have for all of them, but must learn to do what I can in between cushions of
leisure and being, and be kind to myself. In short, nothing at all must be a
problem.
To live in the embrace of our wondrous forest and Hirub stream..smooths all concerns and worry...as we are now silver haired and wrinkling like bark on our deodars or kinnaur trees, we have earned or place in the breezes...there is nothing that is a problem that can't be smoothed by time....and with the gift of good health we are certainly blessed beyond my wildest dreams growing up in New York City!
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