A PICTURE OF SITTING OUTSIDE, EATING THE SUN

The guy in the floral shirt is Tony Ramos, our artist friend, visiting from the south of France. 

BRINGING IN THE OUTDOORS

Of course, the outdoors is everywhere outside the boxes we have built for ourselves, fortunately, with windows. Yesterday I went shopping -- yes! But for flowers and flower pots. I bought tulips that do so well indoors, a muscari, that beautiful bulb that makes tiny blue flowers like bells, and a large yellow cymbidium orchid, all of which I potted and put indoors where Payson can enjoy them -- he loves flowers and his birthday month is coming up. I made two tiny terrarium type pots with succulents and put them on the window sill in my study. Payson tells me today that he read somewhere that having plants indoors increases one's productivity. How can they not add to one's joy, too, these growing, flowering, carbon dioxide guzzling, oxygen producing live things?

Plants, dear friends, are our allies on this journey. Befriend them!

SPRING HAS SPRUNG -- BEFRIEND THE OUTDOORS!

I think that most of us in our pursuit of 'productiveness' spend most of our time indoors worshipping Capitalism and its Commandments. It doesn't make us happier though does gratify us by reinforcing our 'use' to society and to ourselves (which often is society internalized). But nothing can replace the outdoors. Its rewards are a hundredfold more than the rewards of working towards 'success,' whatever our definition of success might be. I'm not saying working is worthless compared to being outdoors, eating the sun, gardening, looking, being: only that let us not forget to balance work with magnificent  sunshine.

Southern California has been lovely at this time of the year -- I'm aware it comes at a huge price: drought. But since I didn't cause the drought and am doing anything I can to preserve water, I am letting myself enjoy what's out there.

A RIDDLE: THANKING ONE'S BRAIN. WHO IS IT THAT THANKS?

Have been entirely unable to shop. I can see how I uselessly distract myself with it, and that I don’t need anything. For the first time in forever, perhaps, I have had the steady energy to take care of most of the paperwork on my desk that has been sitting here for years, go down my lists of 'to do' lists and check things off, and I am enjoying it tremendously, both for itself and as a relief from editing/writing. I enjoy sitting at my desk for hours, now that it is far more organized than before, lifting up my head to see the birds feeding and the petunias. I have steady energy, too, perhaps as a result of going to the gym three days this week – a regimen I intend to stick to till I leave for India in a little over a month. I love such regular steadiness that is possible by a withdrawal from externals, and it is hope for such steadiness that keeps me reclusive.

Two days ago I thanked my brain for what it is, what it has done, or not done, and so much else I can’t think about this morning because it is my darling brain that makes me think of it in detail. Was it the brain thanking itself? No, it didn’t feel like it at all, but rather a something, someone else beyond my brain that acknowledged it and paid its respects. What, who was it? This, then, is the search, isn’t it?  

WHAT DO YOU DO ON A 'BAD' DAY?

Okay, your brain and body don't want to do anything at all (I'm speaking from memory), and nothing, absolutely nothing holds your interest. You go through the list of things you can do in my mind, but doing is just not an option, nor is not doing. You flail about trying to get into something at least. Here are a few things I do before I let myself sit back and know I am having a bad day (they recur periodically) and let myself be: a five minute walk outside the house. This sometimes changes my chemistry; a bath and the whole ritual of maintenance; sitting in the sun for five minutes. If this doesn't do it, I go ahead and surrender to my bad day. Have it! Eat it! Endure it! There's no way around it.  

HERE'S A NIFTY LITTLE TRICK WHEN YOU'RE FEELING DOWN

You know, those days you wonder, what is there to wake up for? When you lie in bed longer than you should, feeling a bit sorry for yourself for whatever reason? A little shift in perspective, a loud "Yes! Yes! Yes!" and the determination to live life with strength and vigor, whatever the circumstance, a little bit of bringing your Kali self into play, is just the ticket!

HAVING SEX WITH YOUR SELF

No, I'm not talking about masturbation, though I see how easy it is for you to think so. When there's just the two of us in the house, Payson ignores my moaning, but this morning his assistant, John, was in the studio with him, and Payson came upstairs to ask me what was going on. He had a smile on his face, so I knew it wasn't because he was pissed. I said to him, 'I am having sex with myself!' His smile broadened even further as he told me to turn down the volume. I said to him as he walked away, "that is what yoga is -- having sex with oneself."

It feels so damn good! Orgasmic, in fact.