We are social beings, we see ourselves through other people's eyes, or we want to do so, want to be admired, 'loved', praised. This subject is on my mind because of Robbin Williams' Suicide, coming as it did around Donald's suicide anniversary. I have, for reasons I must parse, been very disturbed by it. A long bout of insomnia had me going through the TIME issue on Williams last night, and this morning I have some insights, many of which I am reluctant to share. They are so very personal, so crucial to my own state of mind. My reluctance is one of the reasons -- we feel the things we go through are entirely personal, that we cannot share them with others because they would sound so 'small' and embarrassing, because they make us less of what we think we need to be, or rather, appear to be to those whose approval and love we seek. This disjunct between the personal and the public is the disease. It is not the disjunct itself. It is so very necessary, no, essential that we keep it in mind, know the borders of the private and the public, give preference to the former, and perform the latter to the best of our abilities and limits and when it comes to a choice between the two, sacrifice the latter with a cold knife, kill it, if need be.
My first small step in this direction is to not get too hung up with sentence structure, its reflection and evidence of 'reasoning,' coherence, which is for others' eyes, as I write this blog;
My second, not to be too concerned about whether people read it or not, or how many.
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