MY CHILD, KAAMIYA, OUT ON HER OWN IN THE WORLD

Another performance for a festival in Mumbai in September, and traveling to Bhopal in October. I never thought a year ago that I would live to see the day that my plays would be produced. Interest now in another one or two to be produced within the year. It is a relief to see your children out of the dark closet and free of you.

MY PLAY KAAMIYA HAVING FOUR MORE SHOWS AT THE PRITHVI THEATRE STARTING TODAY

And I am sitting here in Behta Pani in my study, far, far away from it. I had debated going again, but you know, the playwright is the most extraneous of people once the production is mounted. Irrelevant. Behind the scenes. Anonymous. I keep thinking of Shakespeare (without comparing myself to him, however! I wouldn't have the temerity!) who was so anonymous that nothing of him but his plays survive. I think of God -- evidence of him or her everywhere without his presence or even his name upon our tongues. Of course, there are names we have invented; and the presence is palpable once we become aware of it.

AMBITION THERE MUST BE BUT THERE IS A CORRECT WAY OF BEING AMBITOUS

True ambition has to do with working, doing, dedication, discipline, not with getting rewards for our work. The Bhagawat Geeta is the prime example of this message. If you haven't read it lately, do so. Krishna hits us on the head with the way to live in the world. Work, do, enjoy the doing, but do not get hung up on the rewards of it. This is easier said than done. But working at doing this must be the task of our life.

FAME, WEALTH, SUCCESS ARE NO MEASURE OF HAPPINESS

Every time a celebrity like Robin Williams takes his or her life (I think of Philip Seymour Hoffman, too, a recent example) we are reminded of this. Most of us spend our entire lives chasing these so called 'desirables' or feeling terrible because we don't have them. Here is the most glaring example of how false this thought is. Some blame his suicide on alcohol or drug abuse, but what leads to this is rarely questioned. Yeah, sure, creativity and madness, creativity and drugs are connected in some deep and pernicious way. But unless we see how our ambitions and desires and cravings can lead us astray, that their fulfillment has nothing at all to do peace and love and connection, quite the opposite, we will continue to put ourselves and our life in harm's way.

BEING ONE'S OWN MISTRESS OR MASTER

I have been swamped by work, and it is all my own doing. I am like the Sorcerer's Apprentice that has summoned energies that can no longer be controlled! Instead of finishing what I was working on, I had the temerity and ambition to send off more work to publishers, work that hasn't been completed, and they all expressed interest. This had put me under enormous stress till I had to withdraw from all deadlines and remember that I am my own Mistress. I had to chase everyone out of my private house, send them packing, so to speak, so that I could regain my peace, the most precious of all things. The fact that Robin Williams committed suicide the past week, and yesterday being Donald's 21st death anniversary (from suicide) has been very sobering. Being in the world is dangerous business. You become a showman, a public person, and you have to continue to be one because of the demands put on you by your success. You are no longer your own person with your own needs and pace. You have to hide who you are in favor of who you seem or appear to be. What a horrible way to live! What a squandering of the precious, precious gift of life!

so, in my withdrawal , I resume my blog. It's not that I'm not working on my books -- I am; but in an unstressed, I am my own mistress, sort of way.

A PHOTO OF A PHOTO OF PAYSON AND ME

I call this the Devta Photo. It was taken sometime in our early years in our Indian home in Himachal. We are standing with the gold masks of the local gods and goddesses.

THE NECESSITY OF HAVING ALLIES: THIS POST FOR MY DARLING HUSBAND, PAYSON

. . . who faithfully reads my blogs and is the sole commentator! Really, in life one needs only one solid ally to proceed with faith and hope. I recently read a quote somewhere that an abyss separates being lonely and having one ally. Payson is  'faithful' in every sense of the word. I can have faith that we won't abandon me for someone else; that he will stand by me, and support me in all the areas I need support: emotional, intellectual, physical, financial, spiritual. His support is not in the spirit of MY COUNTRY (OR WIFE, OR RELIGION) RIGHT OR WRONG, but in the spirit of truth, honestly. Without this important caveat, without an ally who will point out to you where you go wrong, what good is an ally?